There is nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm.Christina Aguilera-
‘Can I date you?’ is almost as commonly asked as ‘How do I get into porn?’. You’d be surprised at how often I get asked that question. Between that and ‘Can I have your number?’ are my top three questions.
This is not so much about the random DM’s or comments on my social media. This is mainly aimed at the conversations that happen in a stripclub. I always get a little weird when someone I’ve just given a lapdance to asks to date me, take me out for dinner, for my phone number or anything that steps outside of the work realm. When I get random DM’s asking questions along the dating line, I get more annoyed than anything. But asking those things in person really confuses me. To me it’s obvious, this is not a good start. I don’t know if there’s just one reason why. I think there’s a few.
The person who’s asked me out has made two assumptions. Firstly that I actually want to engage with them outside of my work environment. Secondly, that I’m available to do so. They have no idea if I’m dating someone or my sexual orientation for that matter. They just assume that I’m single and that I like men. My job is to connect with people and entertain them. I do it well and I love it. But I’ve been doing this for over 7 years. I’ve developed some pretty heavy duty boundaries.
When you add to that the fact that quite often, I’ve only known that person for 10 minutes. In that 10 minutes, I’ve already stripped off, am naked and we’ve made small talk whilst I’ve been sitting on their lap. This is a bit one sided. If they were to then get naked and make small talk on my lap, then we’d be equal. But we aren’t. I’ve always wondered what the dynamic of any kind of relationship would be, when started with such unequal beginnings.
The natural development of a relationship is usually the getting to know you stage, some form of intimate contact, then you get to see each other naked. All of these transactions are mutually reciprocated one by one. But what happens when I’ve done all of these, with no reciprocation from the other person? Where do you go from there? Furthermore, I’ve done all of the above for payment.
The payment part is where it starts to get a bit messy. I’ve wondered if the person who has asked me to go on a date, after or during a lapdance, has thought about one thing. How the intimate situation they find themselves in with me, at that very moment was all because I accepted payment for the privilege. Would I have engaged with them without payment? I couldn’t answer that question because it’s to late.
Having said all that and having pointed out some problems with the ‘Can I date you?’ question. You’re probably wondering if I do actually like giving a lapdance. The answer is yes, of course. Each one is different, some are not very nice, because the person isn’t very nice. But mostly I do connect with the person I’m giving a dance to. We may have similar interests, have similar outlooks on life or just connect on another level. Quite often than not, I really love the dance just as much as them. I’ve enjoyed it for what it was, a lapdance. Not an application for a boyfriend.
The burning question is not ‘Do I enjoy the dance?’ but ‘Can I date you?’. To be honest, I’ve never met anyone that has been fascinating enough to get past those heavy duty boundaries yet. Sorry folks. Dancing and filming is my work and a big part of who I am, but it’s not my hobby, isn’t my interest and isn’t my outlook on the world. My job is only one part of me. I want someone who has similar interests and outlook on the world. Someone who is educated and sexually enlightened, someone who is emotionally intelligent but is a little quirky. I want an equal who understands me and my job. Not someone who is only fascinated with my job. Maybe your run of the mill stripclub is not where a dancer is going to meet Mr. Right though.
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