As some of you know, I’m phasing out dancing in clubs full time. It’s been an awesome ride, but my hustle game just isn’t what it used to be. I wish I knew why, maybe porn killed it for me. Anyway, let me share a couple of awkward as hell lapdance moments while I’m still dancing on and off.

This night started off as I would usually expect. Rather than cleverly convincing a guy that he really needs to pay to see me naked, right then and there. I spent the night betting guys to a thumb war for a lapdance. You read right I spent a whole night playing thumb wars. I left with money in my purse and the undefeated thumb war champion of Adelaide that night.

Another time my girlfriend got champagne in her eyes from drinking a bottle of Moet right off my butt. We clearly didn’t think that one through. My girlfriend lay on the floor of the lapdance booth while I stood over her. I poured the Moet over my butt crack and aimed it into her mouth. I missed, it wasn’t an exact science. And it went straight into her eyes and it even glued her false eyelashes shut. She wasn’t impressed, but I was in hysterics. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I too lost my false eyelashes because I was crying with laughter. Neither of us won the bright spark award that night.

Then there was a time when my girlfriend and I played nude charades in a VIP dance. The customer had won a large sum of money on lotto a few weeks before. He was so drunk in the VIP lapdance room, he fell asleep. We still has 2 hours left of the dance and a sound asleep customer. So we played animal cherades, naked on the dance chair. To make it interesting we added that the floor was “Lava”, we couldn’t touch it. We looked ridiculous. The owner of the club called the venue to tell us we were idiots, and to stop standing on the dance chairs. He was in another country, watching the CCTV footage live …. creep.

My last weird moment is dedicated to the several guys who have cum in a dance. The guy who came BEFORE I gave him a dance. He literally had wet a cum stain on his pants before I gave him a dance. That one guy who pulled his dick out during a dance and wanted to cum. I actually walked out of the room there. And to that guy who came when I bent over in front of him. It was a no contact dance and he still came. Good on him, not so good for me. Guys who cum in a dance happen more than you think. FYI, it’s not cool and will totally freak your stripper out.

I have so many more “Awkward As Hell Lapdance Moments”. I think I’m going to have to write a series of these.

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